i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
