Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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