Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
