remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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