Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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