we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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