I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
