Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
In America we eat man semen.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
