What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
false alarm. still invincible.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
