Plan B is the new Plan A
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
