tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
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Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
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Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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