we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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