Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
