hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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