Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
