Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
