Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
