I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
