Sry I called you an 8
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize