you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
