are you still at the devil's house?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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