i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
