this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
