Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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