Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Im part way to drunk.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
