how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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