We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
