genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Acid is not a monday night drug
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
