ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize