remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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