I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
