What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
