I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
