her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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