you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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