I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
