One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
