I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How does one acquire holy water?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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