Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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