why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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