I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
