i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My vagina just clenched in fear
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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