haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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