apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
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