I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
