when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize