Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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