Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think a kid would responsible me up
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
