If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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