You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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