So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
