considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
