The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
