it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
