How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
