How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
