yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
