So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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