There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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