so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
