i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
