Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
