I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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